March is MS awareness month! So, even though I seemed to be on a “blog-break” because I’m too busy writing my thesis, I couldn’t not stop to write a blog in honor of this important month. I decided to write something different to what I normally write, possibly because exactly a year into a pandemic, with pandemic-fatigue really kicking in, I feel I need this reminder for myself, because sometimes…I find it so easy to forget the importance of gratitude….

I’m not sure if you are aware, but there is a growing body of research which shows that there are many benefits to gratitude.  Being grateful is found to be good not only for our mental health but our physical health too. Now when said like that, it sounds a little bit overrated, doesn’t it? However, there is research that confirms this. Go ahead, feel free to look it up! So today, I chose to write about it. Some days, I can’t deny that it’s hard. But some days I remember to be grateful, and on other days I’m even grateful for this condition we call Multiple Sclerosis. Some of you might be thinking why would anyone be grateful for being sick? But it’s all a matter of perspective really. I’m not grateful for being sick, I’m grateful for what being sick has given me, what it has taught me and what it has made me.

I assure you I don’t say this lightly, in fact I still wince a little bit when I say the words grateful and MS in the same sentence, because MS has caused me lots and a lots, of grief. In fact, I think that 14 years later, countless relapses, endless pain, rivers of tears, a second autoimmune condition, missed opportunities, numerous battles, and a pandemic later (with cases increasing by the millisecond,) life feels SO HEAVY… that it proves hard to be grateful; let alone be grateful to condition that started everything. But if I consciously become aware; stop drowning in my own sorrows and instead, look up toward the sun, I know that there is a lot to be grateful for. And I hope that this blog will help you reflect and find yours.

Above all else I think I’m grateful for MS because it was an excellent teacher of life and humility. I don’t like to give full credit to my conditions, because I’d like to believe I had a little something to do with it too…but I do believe MS was a big part to becoming the person and therapist I am today….

It taught me to appreciate things I never stopped to appreciate before. Things your average person would consider mundane; but the things that really matter. Things like walking and talking which aren’t things you ever stop to think about at the age of 23 or 33. But yes, at 37, I’m grateful that I can walk, and that I can talk. I can’t run to save my life anymore, but that’s ok, I was never much of a runner anyway. I’m grateful that I can see, because MS showed me what it means to lose my eyesight; twice. I’m grateful I have enough energy to make it through the day, because I remember times when I couldn’t make it past 4pm without needing to knock out in bed or on the nearest sofa. I’m grateful I can feel the ground I walk on, because there were times when the nerves in my feet where so badly damaged that it felt like I was walking on glass and stones. This list continues, but I’ll stop here.

Then, there is friends, family and work to be grateful for. I’m grateful for the friends I consider family, because MS showed me how precious it is to have friends that show up for you, with a simple message or even at hospital, when your family can’t. I’m grateful for my son whom I can put to sleep every night because there were many years where I feared I wouldn’t be able to have children because of my health. I’m grateful for my dog who wiped (licked) my tears every time I cried. I’m grateful for my husband that allowed me to take a step back from work to recover and get better. I’m grateful that MS forced me to slow down many times, even when I didn’t want to. I’m grateful that MS made me leave a job I loved, to eventually pursue a new profession which I love even more. I’m grateful simply because MS makes me appreciate a good, fresh and sunny day like no “healthy” person ever can.

MS taught me empathy, it taught me not to judge, it taught me pain, it showed me grief, it taught me what it’s like to really feel. MS has made me more human. MS showed me that there is disease. We are not invincible….even though we may think we are, especially at a young age. But the reality is we can lose our health in a matter of seconds, just when we least expect it. I lost mine on one cold December day in Milan, in the middle of a family Christmas holiday. I got what I thought was pins and needles in my hands, but these pins and needles weren’t your average pins and needles, they were there to stay….and they were the first sign that something was awfully wrong. That, and the fact that I was so fatigued that I chose to go to my hotel room and sleep all day rather than continue shopping with my family. I remember the day like it was yesterday. What was meant to be just a normal happy day, was one that eventually changed my life forever. But today, I am grateful for everything my life has given me since then. MS reminds me to be grateful to be alive. So, during MS Awareness month I hope that you too will find something to be grateful for… and if you have MS, try find just one thing to be grateful to this condition you carry every day, because I believe that if you do, it won’t be so heavy to carry….

Feel free to share with me what you’re grateful for in the comments below, or send me a private message, you know I always love to hear from you  🙂