Yesterday, an article went out on the Sunday Times where my friend Amy and I were interviewed about our views regarding the Covid19 vaccine and its priority list. After reading the article I was somewhat disappointed to realise that there was so much more that I wanted to say and that I’m possibly much better at writing my thoughts rather than voicing them. Can I blame MS for that? I think I can 😂 Truth be told, when I panic, my MS brain shuts down a little and I can hardly even remember my name. Does it happen to anyone else? 🙂

The call from the journalist was totally unexpected, so my thoughts and my mouth didn’t quite work in tandem that afternoon. My son was chasing me and calling me in the background and in the moment, I don’t think I mentioned half the things I really wanted to say about this matter. So, since I’m lucky enough to have a blog, where I can calmly sit down and write while my son sleeps, I’d like to explain a little bit more what I really wanted to say to the journalist that day.

Because this is what it’s really been like suffering from comorbid conditions during this pandemic and what its really been like to see every Tom Dick and Harry out there wanting to be given priority for a vaccine…

Firstly, quite frankly, it’s been shit. Definitely classified as one of the worst years of my life and I assure you the years of my life have not been easy. But the most important points I want to bring across are the following.

  1. What we want is transparency to ensure that the people who are most at risk of complications, or worst still, death are in fact given priority as promised.So that is, the elderly and back to back with them, the vulnerable, and for no reason should that priority change. For obvious reasons I do understand and agree that front liners should off course fall in line with the above. I do not entirely agree however with all those who have been classified as a front liner and regretfully will be getting their vaccine before those risking death.
  2. Yes, everyone’s life has changed during this pandemic to some degree, however our lives have stopped. Our lives have been instilled with fear from the day we received a letter back in March 2020 advising us to stay home because we are medically vulnerable and thus, risked serious complications if we do get Covid19.
  3. Every news feature we read in recent weeks that has omitted to mention the vulnerable only amplified the fear and anxiety we have been feeling for a whole year.
  4. This fear during this last year has affected my mental health in ways I can’t even begin to explain. I’m a therapist in training in my final year, with 8 years of personal therapy on my back, with tools and techniques to ground me and appease my anxieties, and still, I’ve seen my mental health deteriorate like never before, so I can’t even begin to imagine how anyone who doesn’t have these tools has been affected by this and this saddens me greatly.
  5. My bubble has consisted of my husband, my son, my parents and my in-laws. And even though we were lucky enough to at least meet them, they have been equally affected by this pandemic because there are many times when I have kept them away from their grandson. Case in point right now that the numbers are out of control.
  6. I have met my best friend only once since March 2020, and the reason that’s important and heartbreaking to me is because my monthly meet ups with her have always helped keep me well balanced during turbulent times. I happened to bump into her once not long ago on the very rare occasion that I was out of the house. Seeing her felt like I was seeing a ghost. I froze, and when I got past the shock, I all but burst into tears because what I wanted to do was run to her and hug her, but instead, we cautiously spoke to each other from the safe two meter distance as though we were complete strangers, not the best friends who have been through hell and back together over the last two decades.
  7. I have home schooled my 4-year-old son since March 2020 and I assure you it has been no easy feat. It hasn’t been easy for me mentally nor physically, but it certainly has not been easy for him. Being kept away from his friends and from a social life that at his age should help define him and mould him. I feel like I had to make a choice between sacrificing his childhood or possibly leaving him without a mother, and I guarantee you it is a choice that torments me every day.
  8. I have been lucky to be able to homeschool my son, because I have also been lucky enough to work from home. However, I know that there are other young medically vulnerable mums and dads out there who weren’t that lucky, so I can’t even begin to imagine the mental stress they’ve had to endure during this time and my heart goes out to each and every one of them.

The aim of the article was to give a voice to the vulnerable who are sadly not represented by anyone in our society, and I hope that in our little way, Amy and I have helped in doing this. When the journalist asked me how I have lived this last year, I immediately said “at home!” As though that was the worst thing that happened. But I don’t think that was the worst of it at all. The worst of it was the fear of the unknown, the anxieties and keeping my son away from everyone else. So all I can do is hope and pray that from the moment I take that vaccine, life can regain some kind of normalcy; which would mean that he can go to school again, and we can regain some sort of life that doesn’t limit us to being alone and away from the ones we have loved and cared for dearly from afar, for a whole year.